Monday Morning Power Digest: February 14, 2022
Time to make the mf’in’ donuts.
We’re through Super Bowl Sunday and that means that football has left us. Two saddest days of winter: 1) The day the Christmas decorations come down, 2) the day after the Super Bowl.
Congratulations to the Cincinnati Bengals and their fans who now know the pain of watching your quarterback run for his life and eat grass in the biggest game of his life because of a trash offensive line. Can’t imagine what that feels like…OH WAIT I CAN.
We’ll get through this together. March Madness is right around the corner, as is wedding season, as is summer, as is football season. Nose to the grindstone.
*IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP BULLETIN*
Today is Valentine’s Day. Repeat: today is Valentine’s Day.
Last Minute Gift Idea: Sweets from a local bakery and a handwritten note. Better than nothing.
Joe Rogan Experience Episodes That Aren’t About Covid and Will Blow Your Tiny, Rotten Brain
This guy knows so much about the keto diet, you’ll think he’s your obese coworker who won’t shut the hell up about it. It’s amazing to listen to people who know what they’re actually talking about, instead of the guy who tried it for two weeks and immediately became an expert on nutrition and biochemistry.
History: Graham Hancock & Randall Carlson
Three and a half hours of “What? No way.” Geniuses in geology, archeology, architecture, astronomy and historical literature. Thousands of years we just don’t know anything about. What was Antarctica before it was covered in ice? They go deep about the historic cataclysms in the history of the world that wiped out entire ecosystems…and civilizations? This is a lifetime of knowledge you never knew you needed condensed down into one podcast.
Daryl Davis is a blues musician who has converted hundreds of former KKK members, convincing them to not only leave, but denounce the most racist organization in the US. He has had incredible conversations about race in America and how the deep wounds of division and ignorance caused by racism can be healed by simply talking to one another.
The insane bloated philosopher who’s not the hero we deserve, but the hero we need. Please cancel him.
Sage Wisdom from a Washed Up Guy in His 30s
Hire a tax accountant. Tell Turbo Tax to take a hike.
‘70s Country Deep Cut of the Week
You ever listen to a song and then immediately start looking at houses in rural ass Tennessee where you’d open up a roadside BBQ shack? Just me? Okay.
Speaking of rural ass houses…
Zillow House That Would Financially Ruin Me of the Week
482 Barnett Rd. SE | Crawfordville, GA
Location: Crawfordville, GA
Pricetag: $1.3 million
Acreage: 105 sq. acres
Do I know anything about farming? No. Do I have many friends or family in rural Georgia? No. Would this property be ravaged by famine and disease because I don’t know anything about farming or keeping healthy livestock? More than likely. Is that stopping me from playing out some kind of Old South John Dutton fantasy in my mind? Absolutely not.
Conspiracy Rabbit Hole of the Week
The Tartarian Empire – The theory poses that the history of the world was reset around late 1800s and that the 1,000 years of world history leading up to the turn of the 19th and 20th centuries was falsified to cover up the grandest empire in human history: The Tartars. A people who co-mingled with giants, constructed buildings with grand architecture, harnessed unlimited energy and conquered the world, but were tragically wiped off the face of the earth by a “mud flood” that destroyed any and all traces of their existence.
It’s a completely unhinged, baseless theory that reads like drunk Lord of the Rings fan fiction on crack. I love it. Top shelf internet conspiracy.
Fake Guy Quotes of the Week
“Never let anyone sign your checks!” -Harvey Bushkin, Heavy Weights (1995)
Official Girl Scout Cookies Ratings
Peanut Butter Patties
Adventurefuls (new ones, holy hell)
Peanut Butter Sandwich
Stubbing your toe on wrought iron patio furniture
What I Served for “The Big Game”
Big Game Sunday! Couldn’t get excited for it. Still sad about the Chiefs. Food is medicine. Heal me.
Had a few close personal friends over for Rams-Bengals and we ate our feelings. Here’s what was on the menu:
Smoked Pernil (Puerto Rican pulled pork)
Full recipe was in last week’s MMPD. Threw it on some Hawaiian rolls with some pickle and homemade apple jalapeno slaw. My goodness.
1 lb of breakfast sausage
1 package of cream cheese
1 lb bacon (cooked)
1 package colby jack cheese
1 packet ranch seasoning
1 tbsp red pepper flakes
2 tbsp Meat Church Holy Voodoo rub
Crockpot on low for 3-4 hours. Stir every hour. Serve with Fritos Scoops.
Fritos Scoops are up there with stuffed crust pizza, Cheesy Gordita Crunch, Burger King french toast sticks, southwestern egg rolls and the McGriddle as the finest culinary innovations in American history. A girthy rowboat of flavor for stuffing fat and starch into your gut.
For health. Carrots and peppers were cleaned out immediately. Broccoli and cauliflower were predictably untouched. Could learn a thing or two from Fritos Scoops.
Black-Owned KC Restaurants You Should Be Eating At Year Round Not Just Because It’s Black History Month
Mesob KC, Wings Cafe, Wah Gwan, Jones BBQ, Big T’s BBQ, Krab Kingz.
That’s it for this week. Go get ‘em.
Need a SB Hawaiian roll count