The Monday Morning Power Digest: Official Guide To Summer '22
What time zone am I on? What country am I in?
We’re making up for lost time this summer. I don’t care where you fell on the issue of covid, we’re all still alive and goddammit this life was made to be lived. Make this one count.
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With that, let’s get down to business.
Easily the most engagement I see is on my BBQ content. I am no expert, but I know enough. You don’t need to drop $1,000 on a class. You don’t need a $1,500 smoker. You don’t need a $200 bluetooth thermometer. All those things are sick, but a true pitmaster can cook by feel and feel alone.
There are really three guys who I reference before I cook.
I don’t take BBQ advice from people who don’t weigh 300+ pounds and speak with a deep, sultry, southern drawl. He takes competition concepts and simplifies them down for the average backyard smoker. Highly recommend.
I will echo what I said about sturdy men and their smoked meats. Smokin’ Joe is one of the top BBQ caterers in Texas. His methods are straightforward and simple.
The reigning Texas Monthly champ who is throwing the middle finger to pretty much every single BBQ trend that’s developed in the last decade. He goes pretty hard after Aaron Franklin (bold) because he’s seen so many people try to copycat Franklin’s style and it’s ultimately led to worse backyard ‘que. I am inclined to agree.
Do what you like. Roll dirty smoke, go sauce-heavy, wrap, don’t wrap, use tallow, don’t use tallow, shit toss some Better Than Bouillon in your rubs and glaze. BBQ is about creativity. Get creative.
Where To Spend Each Summer Holiday Weekend
Memorial Day: The Lake
Fourth of July: The Lake
Labor Day: The Lake
A Simple Guide To Summertime PTO
Here’s hoping you’ve banked several days of PTO this year and you’ve got plenty of flexibility. The grind of January-April lasts forever, but once those summer hours hit, the iron is hot and it’s time to strike.
Wedding Weekend: Friday off for travel
Family Vacation: Three days. Family and fish: things that stink after three days.
Holiday Weekends: Friday off for back-to-back short weeks.
Golf: Friday afternoon off. Use at your discretion.
“Mental Health” Days: Great way to break up the week. Make it less obvious by using Tuesday-Thursday.
5 Power Moves You Can Pull At The Lake
1. Never apologize for what comes out of your mouth while driving the boat.
2. Bottles sink. Cans float.
3. The lifejacket upside down diaper move.
4. Can openers only.
5. Wear a captain’s hat, even though you have no intention on driving the boat.
McGannon’s Golf Muni Hierarchy of Needs
1. Refreshments - Do you have coolers installed on the carts? Is there a cart girl who delivers regular, 3.5 star customer service at least three times a round? Do you provide ice? Are we working with regular cans or 22 oz tall boys?
2. Cost - Can I get 18 in and it costs less than $50? Does the pro shop have $5 sleeves of Noodles in case of emergency?
3. Noise Ordinance - Will there be an issue with me constantly playing Danza Kuduro once I’m 3-4 beers deep? How lenient are course marshals on bluetooth speaker volume?
4. Maintenance - Are there fewer than two temporary greens? Are the greens covered in sand? Can I improve my lie from baked out fairways?
Ranking The Bodies of Water In Missouri
5. Your neighbor’s/friend’s pool: Essential.
4. Missouri River: Essential to commerce and the westward expansion of USA.
3. Table Rock Lake: LOTO’s classy cousin who’s only been married once.
2. Kauffman Stadium fountains: Shitty baseball, but what a view.
1. The Lake of the Ozarks: Redneck Riviera and the state’s finest tourist destination. Table Rock’s white trash cousin who’s on marriage #3.
Zillow Lake House That Would Financially Ruin Me of the Week
Price tag: $700k
Sq. footage: 1,994
Abscond into this sleepy little corner of the Lake of the Ozarks, far removed from the drunks and havoc of the main channel. This classic Ozarks A-frame has it all. A decorative rock fireplace, panoramic views, cathedral ceilings, knotty pine finishes, a gigantic model sailboat over the decorative fireplace. You don’t buy this place unless you’re a huge lake purist. I’m sold.
The Best Meal I’ve Ever Had
We had a family friend out to our family’s lake house many years ago. As the day winded down, we ate dinner on our porch overlooking the cove. She started talking about a college entry essay she wrote on the best meal she ever ate. She said it was any meal she had at her family’s lake house. Me, being a snotty 13-year old, vehemently judged her for apparently never eating a Jack Daniels shrimp and rib plate at T.G.I. Friday’s, which was the best meal I’d ever eaten at that point in my life.
Anyone who’s ever spent a weekend at a lake knows there’s tired…and then there’s lake tired. A warm blanket of comforting exhaustion that feels like an incredibly smooth buzz. My dad always said he slept best at the lake. A deep, warm sleep that leaves you refreshed and wide awake from the moment you hear the distant whining of boat engines and hulls slapping against the light morning chop.
Anyone who’s ever spent a weekend at the lake knows there’s hungry…and then there’s lake hungry. A combination of “lake tired” and genuine hunger. We’d spend all afternoon on the water and pull into the dock. The smells from the grill would waft down to the dock and grow stronger as we trudged up the stairs to our deck where we’d find a kingly feast prepared by my mother. Ribs, burgers, dogs, roasted potatoes, summer salad and garlic bread. Wash it all down with sponge cake and a scoop of Blue Bell.
That’s fucking heaven, man. I don’t even remember a specific meal. All I know is that it was the best thing I ever ate.
I will spend every summer chasing that feeling for myself and the people I love.